On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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