benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
