i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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