Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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