We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
