Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize