I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
