you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
