Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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