awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
