had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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