I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
