i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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