i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
