Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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