Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Buhtt sex?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
