well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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