I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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