I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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