i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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