I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
