everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
