sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
