Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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