I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
