i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
