My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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