It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize