i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
