So drunk its hurt
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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