Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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