I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
