I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if you like me you must not know who I am
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
