watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
