And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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