note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
