We're facebook friends in real life
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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