dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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