shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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