I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
