whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
