if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
