What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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