Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
