I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
