I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
