Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
