he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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