Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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