I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
