so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
