my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
