Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
