when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
