Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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