I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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