And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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