Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
