Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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