He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
