youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
