Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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