I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
