Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
