Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
