i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
