I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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