He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
