We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
