Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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