that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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