I skipped work to stalk him.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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