You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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