last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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